How my acne affects my self esteem and what products I use pre Roaccutane

I apologise about my spelling and grammar. I know it's not great I am Dyslexic and I didn't get as much support in school than I should. I don't always notice my mistakes.

Self esteem and acne

I have said this before and I will say it again I know my acne is not as sever as other people, but it really lowers my self esteem. 

So this is me today I still have the red marks from spots I had in December.

They start out like this one on my nose. They are big and red, very sore and sometimes become white heads. They can stay like this for 5-7 days. 

Then they shrink in size but stay red. The spots on my forehead appeared mid December and some are still raised.

The scars around my mouth have been there for years.

I am so glad my glasses hide the huge spot on my nose.

The fact my spots are really painful bring me down. I can knock one just a little bit can really hurt. I don't see myself as attractive and the spots just make it worse. I am almost 26 yet I feel and look like a teenager! I feel people don't take me seriously as they think I am younger than I am. I have been refused alcohol because they do not believe my ID is me, since the photo on my driving licence was taken when I was 16 and my skin is clear, and they don't believe someone my age should have spots. I was mortified as the lady behind the till made a big deal out of it and lots of people where looking. I even showed her all my bank cards with the same name. In the end I told her I didn't want any of my shopping that she had already scanned through. When I have a bad flare up I just feel what's the point in even trying to look nice. I try and avoid social situations and dating is horrible at times. I use internet dating websites and obviously I put up the best photos of me. And if I am chatting to a guy and I have a flare up I try and avoid going on a date in case they are put off. I didn't date anyone for years after my acne got bad.

Some people do not realise how having acne can make you feel, and like to point out that you are having a really bad flare up. Do you not think I all ready know this!!! I have also found people try to give you advice like "If you just wash your face properly and use cleanser and toner your skin will clear right up." Are you kidding me, do you not think I have already tried that. I have been really insulted with some of the things people have said to me about my acne. I would never have the nerve to say anything negative about somebodies appearance.

What products I use Pre-Roaccutane

Sorry some of these photos are side ways.

Over the years I have tried lots of different products but the ones I am using right now are working well for me on my budget.  

Avon Solutions Complete Balance Oil-free foaming cleanser.

I use this pretty much every day in the shower. I find it dries my skin which at the moment I need as my skin is so oily. It helps dry my spots up quicker too.

Avon Solutions Complete Balance Day Oil-free mattifier spf15.

I find this moisturiser is really good its not too heavy and sinks in nicely. 

Avon Solutions Complete Balance Night Oil-free gel.

I have used night gels before and they made my face sticky. This dries quickly and works well.

Avon Solutions Complete Balance Deep cleansing clay mask.

I have used loads of different masks but they haven't agreed with my skin. This one doesn't irritate my skin and leaves it feeling soft. It also helps dry up my spots. So I only use it when I am having a bad break out.

Nivea Daily Essentials Gental exfoliating scrub.

This is a nice and gental on my skin. I have pretty sensitive skin and have found in the past other scrubs can irritate my skin. 

Nivea Daily Essentials Refreshing 2 in 1 cleanser & toner.

I use this at night to take of my make up if I am wearing any and to remove the daily dirt and grim.

Nivea Daily Essentials Extra gentle eye make-up remover.

This make up remover is really gentle but I find it doesn't remove all my mascara. I always end up with panda eyes in the morning. I got 3 on a deal and continued to use it as I didn't want to waste it. 

Simple Kind to eyes Eye Make-up remover.

I love this eye make up remover it takes all my eye make up off even the water proof stuff.

SEVENTEEN SUPERlash Mascara

My lashes are pretty long so I usually go for curl mascara. I got this mascara because you got the eye liner free. 

SEVENTEEN SUPERlash liquid eye liner

I like liquid eye liner as its nice and dark. I like an eye liner pen as its easier to get it straight.

I don't always use the same mascara and eye liner, it depends on what is on offer. 

SEVENTEEN eye shadow in Mardi Gras

I have used this colour of eye shadow for years and I love it.

SEVENTEEN blusher. 

I have had this blusher for a while its a nice pale colour.

Collection 2000 Perfecting Minerals Foundation

I hardly ever wear foundation when I saw this powder foundation I thought it was ideal. It doesn't cover my spots completely but I really don't see the point in spending lots of money on good foundation that would cover it when I only wear it once in a blue moon.

Collection 2000 Illuminating Touch Concealer

This is a really good concealer, it works well to hide the bags under my eyes.

Went to see the dermatologyst today

So I went to see Dr Holmes today. My blood work was fine and he was ready to start me on Roaccutane today. I asked if I could start after getting my tattoo and he was more than happy to start it at the end of February instead.

I will be on 40mg a day. I start on Friday the 28th of Feb, (My unbirthday, since there is no 29th this year).

I need to go into the hospital so I can take a supervised pregnancy test, then get my prescription and take it to the hospital Pharmacy. I will just have to have my birthday night out the weekend before as I can't drink on the medication.

My spots this week are so painful the one under my nose and right on my bottom lip are extremely painful. 

Oily skin!

My skin has been really oily the past few weeks! By 6pm or so my face is really shiney. I have got more spots again this week the one on my chin is really big and sore. I have one on my cheek which is un usual. I normally only get them on my forehead and around my mouth. They also seem to be really red recently.
On Wednesday i am going in for my 5th operation for my problem with my bowels. I am hoping this will be my final one as i really be starting to get sick of them. I have been quite sore over Christmas. I guess eating lots of rubbish hasn't helped. Then on Friday i will see the dermatologyst. I need to start writing down the questions i have for him.

Christmas day

As usual i get some unfortunate spots when i want to look nice. This time a have 3 nice big spots in a straight line on my forehead! Even with make up you can still see them!

My story

So as a teen I had the odd spot but nothing major. I was around 18 maybe 19 when I started getting quite a few spots around my mouth that look a long time to go away.  I was 19 almost 20 when my GP put me on Erythromycin it worked well and for 18 months or so i had clear skin, then I went to my GP about something un related and saw a young Doctor who decided it was about time came off the meds for my skin. My spots came back and started to scar.
I went back to the Doctors and this time they put me on liquid Erythromycin that I put on in the morning and evenings. It did not help so I went back to the doctors and they put me on Lymecycline which was a bit stronger. It didn't really do much for me so I was given various creams and gels too.
I had mentioned going to see the dermatologist a couple of times but the Doctors I saw kept saying my acne was not serious enough for going to a dermatologist. I ended up back on Erythromycin.
I know my acne is not as severe as some peoples but it really gets me down. I do not see myself as an attractive person and well they spots just make it worse! They can be very painful and since they are around my mouth it sometimes hurts the eat or talk. They can also bleed at the slightest touch so if I rub my face they can bleed. It takes a while for them to stop and it it happens in public it can be embarrassing as people might think I have picked them or something! Which I don't as they already scar easily.
Over the past 18 months I have had a lot of problems with my bowels and I have had 4 operations since Feb this year and I am due my 5th on Jan the 8th. I have been back and forward to the doctors with this and in September I was at the doctors getting some anti biotics. She asked me if I needed any more Erythromycin since she was writing my a prescription. I told her I had stopped taking them as they are not working and since its not severe enough to see a dermatologist I didn't see the point in wasting NHS money by continuing to take them. Her reply was "Don't be silly of-course it is severe enough to see a dermatologist as you have tried everything else and 6 years later you are still having outbreaks!" I felt such a relief when I heard her say  that.
So I saw the dermatologist on the 13th of December. I was ready to plead my case as the drugs a dermatologist can prescribe are pretty hard stuff. I went in and told him my history and he said that I was the perfect candidate for Roaccutane.
Roaccutane contains isotretinoin which is related to vitamin A it is part of medicines called retinoids. It is a pretty serious drug and will only be prescribed if all other treatments have not worked.
 Women will only be prescribed Roaccutane under striked guidelines as it can cause serious birth defects to an unborn child.
Woman have to use 1 form of No user failure contraception such as the coil, injection, implant or sterilization and they advise you to use condoms too as no form of contraception is 100% effective. I am already on the coil so I am one step closer. Women will only be prescribed 30 days treatment at a time and will have to go back for monthly pregnancy tests before they are given the next prescription. They will also have to sign a form to say that you understand the risks  and that you accept the necessary precautions (which I think is if I do fall pregnant whilst on treatment I will get an abortion).
There are a number of possible side effects:
Very rare effects may effect up to 1 in every 10,00 people,

• Thoughts of harming yourself or ending their life, unusual behavior and signs of psychosis.
• Excess sweating or itching, sensitivity to light, thickening of scaring after surgery.
• Lasting headache, blurred vision, seeing less well at night. 

Rare effects may effect up to 1 in every 1000 people,

• May cause depression.
• Allergic reaction.
• Hair loss.

Common  effects may effect 1 in every 10 people,

• dry skin including lips, eyes and nose.
• Skin becomes more fragile (people are advised not to get cosmetic treatments such as waxing, dermabrasion, laser treatments and tattoos during treatment and for 6 months after)
• Skin becomes more sensitive to sunlight.
• Headaches.
• Bruising, bleeding and anaemia.
• Conjunctivitis.
• Sore and inflamed throat and nose.
• back, joint and muscle pain. ( People are advised to cut down on intensive exercise and physical activities)

Treatment usually lasts 16 to 24 weeks depending on the strength of the dose my body will handle. Most people will only need 1 treatment, if I need a 2nd I will have an 8 week break then start it over again.

So when I saw the dermatologist on the 13th of December I got blood tests to check my liver and kidney functions. Usually you go back 2 weeks later but since that will fall between Christmas and New Year I am going back on the 10th of January 2 days after my op. Then I will find out when I will start the treatment. I think I have to give 2 negative pregnancy tests before I start so I will have 1 on the 10th then 1 a month later. I am going to ask the doctor if I can postpone starting my treatment until the end of February as I have booked  my next tattoo for the 17th of Feb and as my skin will be a lot more fragile it will scar and just not look very good. Also It is a large tattoo and my 1st sitting I will be getting 3 hours work done for the outline. I have already paid a large deposit and the tattoo artist has already drawn up the design and that's a lot of work put in it on his part and money on my part to say, sorry can we please leave it for 18 months or more before I get it. I will explain to that tattoo artist that I will have to wait 6 months after my treatment before I can have the next sitting for the shading. I may meed 2 two hour sittings for the shading he is unsure as I am so small!

Current condition of my skin

So this is what my skin is like at the moment. The picture was take at 9pm. My face can get quite greasy in the evening.

Some photos of my acne.

I thought I would post some photos of what my skin can be like at times. I know my acne is not as bad as other peoples but it does really get me down and it hurts! I will write a longer blog next weekend with my background story and go into detail of what Roaccutane is and when I should be starting it.

 In this photo I am around 20. My doctor put me on Erythromycin and it cleared up my skin for around 9 months, then stopped working.

 I am 18 here and my acne had just started to appear.  Until then I only got the odd one or two spots.

I am around 22 here my acne was really painful and the spots were very angry and red.  It was around this time that they started to leave scars.

 Think I am around 19 here only a few spots.

 I am 23 here the scar on my chin had been there for 18 months or so and took over 2 years to fade!

 Not the best photo but I am 15 here and have no spots at all.

 16 and very grumpy! I only have a couple of spots but they cleared up pretty fast.

This is me in April 2012, this is what I look like with foundation on. I really don't wear it very often so don't see the point in spending loads of money on foundation that would totally cover my acne and scars as it would just go to waste.

I know the photos were not really in age order but hey. I will take a photo and post it next week of what my skin is like at the moment and I will add it to next weeks blog.